My mother died 22 years ago when she was 46, I was 17, and my poor little brother was only 9 years old.

You are not a horrible person. Your wounds from losing your mother are obviously still very fresh, and you need time to heal. You have a right to your feelings and shouldn't judge yourself for being jealous, etc

I'm so sorry that you are still so deeply depressed, but I'm happy to hear that your anxiety is under control (((HUGS)))

I know that sometimes finding our place in life takes time. But we all have a purpose, whether we realize it or not. I think that God has a plan for us all

I floundered for a long time after my mother died (which I don't think is uncommon or abnormal) until my CNA career fell into my lap, which led to me going back to nursing school in my mid-20's. I enjoyed what I did, and it gave me a palpable sense of purpose until MS put an end to all of that.

Is there something that you can think of that could make your life happier? A different type of job? A hobby or activity that you enjoy doing that you could do more, or get more involved in/pursue further? Or any other goal that you can think of that you can work towards?

Those are just ideas.

Thinking of you today, Blue (((HUGS)))