Hi CRPS! Somehow I missed your post on Sunday. I don't know how but I did. I've been checking to see if anybody has posted anything to me and I haven't receive or noticed that somebody had posted. That got me a little down but then when I came on today I saw that you had posted on Sunday and it lightened me up. You are such a wonderful person. You're being so actively involved in these suggestions and ideas. And I really really appreciate it. I am so sorry for your pain. It sounds like it is fairly terrible for you to. I'm very glad you have your husband church and Friends there for you. I'm glad that your pain doesn't get you as down as I get. I have been very very up and down with my pain this past week. It's very up and down throughout the day. Which is unusual for me. Normally my pain stays consistent for most of a day. And if anything it gets worse as the day goes on and the more I move. I am so so so lucky and so so so so grateful that most of my nights are pain-free. Yes that's right when I fall asleep I am relatively unaware of my pain. I would say 8 out of 10 days once I fall asleep I sleep great. But I definitely have those days where I hurt too much to go to sleep or I wake up in bad pain. But those don't stress me out too much. The problem I have with sleep is that it takes me two to four plus hours to fall asleep every single night. I know that stress is the primary problem in this or the fact that I do not exercise or have that much of a physical active life. I've suffered insomnia since I was Young. Probably starting from when I was about 10 years old or so. It has gone up and down throughout my life. Now is that the worst that is ever been. All the more reason for me to get therapy help. I so love your idea about the churches. It's actually a church in my old town that I lived in that helped me move when I had to move a couple of years ago. The people were very helpful and didn't treat me different because I am not a practicing Christian. In fact we had a few prayer sessions and at least one decreased my pain significantly. I truly believe in the power of Prayer. I have been unable to make calls recently because of the pain but it's on my mind all the time. I am hoping that will lead to some sort of support or therapy. It is my hopes that someone will know of a way I can find help. Thank you CRPS. Because you inspire me. I have not had that in so long. Thank you thank you thank you. I am also hoping that contacting the churches will maybe find a social outlet for me. If people can accept that I believe in a higher power but don't practice a specific religion that would be wonderful. I would really like to make some new friends. I would like to find a reason to better my life. Nah that sounds really negative to me. Like I don't have a life worth living if I don't have friends in it. And that's not what I mean. I just feel so alone or isolated. It would be nice to Simply have someone to talk to.
I get to see my youngest daughter this weekend. My middle daughter is busy. Which is good and I'm proud of her active life and involvement. She wants to become a veterinarian and is 16 and involved in sports and music and FFA and equestrian riding and doing veterinarian competitions. And she's so smart she has mostly A's with some bees and doesn't even have to study. I couldn't be more proud of her. My youngest will be 13 in July and is also incredibly smart and busy with FFA and equestrian riding and wrestling and track and field. I'm so proud of them both. My oldest child my son will have nothing to do with me because he thought that I was ganging up on his father when we separated. He's adopted and has severe attachment disorder and has a very hard time dealing with his emotions and connecting with people. My oldest daughter is also adopted and has severe attachment disorder. She is also the biological sister of my son. I am very happy that she has a very close relationship with her brother. She and I did not talk for a while. And for a good reason I took out my anger sometimes on her. I know why I did it and I am extremely sorry and have apologized to her and explained what I was going through. And so we started talking again. This went on for months and it wasn't easy but we were making progress. And then suddenly I started disagreeing with her father my ex-husband and he and I began to fight as you could say. At the same time she suddenly stopped talking to me or returning my phone calls. I had spoken to her twice since then and she has never explained why she stopped talking to me. She said that she sometimes felt uncomfortable talking to me on the phone that we had nothing really to say. And I can understand that because even I sometimes felt awkward on the phone but seal called her every couple of days to see how she's doing. And I have not been able to talk to her again because she still does not return phone calls. I actually did talk to her once when I was talking to my youngest daughter and she walked in the house. And I didn't talk about any subjects then I just wished her a happy birthday and told her that I was proud of her and loved her and missed her. And then let her go back to her birthday celebration. Talking about this makes me feel like a total screw-up. I know deep down inside that my oldest children have issues that can't really be helped a whole lot in phone conversations. I don't have the ability to go down and see them. But I try to do everything I can over the phone to connect with my oldest daughter at least. My son won't talk to me at all. Even though I know the logical reasons for my older daughter oldest daughter not talking to me. It's my responsibility to keep trying to connect with her. But sometimes I just don't know what to do. I have spoken with her twice in the past 5 months. It is very disheartening trying to connect with her. I know my friend would drive me down to see her but I can't even get her on the phone to arrange a time and place to meet. Anyways I've gone off on a tangent again haven't I. It's just that the topic of All My Children has been on my mind significantly lately. Thank you for listening.