Oh I forgot to tell you who I went to see... The band is called "Interpol" They play "indie rock".

Somehow I managed to silence my brain and its intrusive thoughts which always led me to depression and anxiety.... I just eat, turn the TV on and... cried A LOT but, felt better since Friday.... Im still triggered easily but oh well....

Im on a break from my therapist.... Im suppose to practice what she taught me.... and, I have to tell Im better managing my crisis now but, still.... some days are impossible...
EXAMPLE: today my father moved and touched all my mom stuff when trying to "clean" the house... he cant do anything correctly... he is useless.... why does he keep trying to do something for the house ?
I know you may think Im a cruel person, and I mean, maybe I am, but I HATE to live with him... I have him, at MY house just because of.... shame ? compassion !? He did terrible things to my mom when I was 3 my grandma had recently died.... such an a**h*le.... I cant forgive him... I think even my mom forgave him, I CANT. I promise I CANT. I find annoying every thing he does... I know he is my father but... well, he had more children with another woman and I keep thinking "Go live with them and leave me alone !!" you know.... Trust me, I wish I could forgive... I want to .... I CANT.

Also, I have been so down thinking Im becoming old.... I dont think I will be able to have children and a family you know...

Argh, my life is still s*ck^ng these days.... Im tired.... depressed.... MAD.

*sigh*