So glad to read you dear friend Wishing you a speedy recovery.

I have been thinking a lot (probably overthinking) about doctors failing me... I dont think only my doctor failed me... all of them, medicine, science in general have failed me.... maybe it was society when since I was a kid, made me misunderstand that medicine and doctors can save me, can cure me....

I have dedicated 18 years of my life studying medical stuff.... and the conclusion is, we dont cure anything, anybody... we make things less miserable, but once that something "breaks" or stop working, no science, no doctor, no medicine can repair at 100%.... Science has failed us when every single pill we take has (sometimes) horrible side effects and we have to put in a balance benefits vs side effects....

I guess my country, my family, myself dont have the culture to take a pill for everything... immediately.... so, I have to agree with doc this time... I dont need more meds in my life to solve (or try to solve without success) problems that come due to my soul problems, to feelings.... I am angry becase life in general has failed me.... I explode in anger because I feel God stole me my mom, I feel robbed.... Im tired of the people around me doing comments like "oh, so sorry, I dont know what I would do without my mom", THAT is exactly the problem, that I do not know what to do without my mom either and Im way younger than the people telling me that, so yeah, life is unfair or that is the feeling I have and there is no pill (or their side effects are not worth it) that can keep me with the thoughts and feelings Im having....

Sadly therapy has failed me too so far, but I will keep trying to stop suffering...

Ugh, I hate to post ultra long posts, but I have been rambling so much and just... spilled everything here I guess LMAO.

Take care you all !