Hi everyone,

I've been lurking here pretty much since I sustained my injury, but haven't made an account until now. I am 19 years old. Here's my story:

On April 14th of this year (about 3 1/2 months ago), I was playing at a rugby tournament and got kicked in the ear while in the process of standing up from a ruck. For about 5-10 seconds, there was high-pitched ringing in my ears and I felt like I was seeing out of a fish bowl. One of my teammates started walking me to the medical tent shortly after, and once I got there, the feeling had subsided and I just felt a little shook up and couldn't hear well out of my right ear. Because of the fleeting nature of this feeling, and my general lack of information regarding concussions, I figured I just got my 'bell rung' and assured my friend that I didn't need to get tested because I felt okay.

In retrospect, I now know this was an awful idea, but I come from a family of rugby players that have had their fair share of concussions and hard hits to the head throughout their careers and have been completely fine, so I didn't think much of it. I sat out the next game for good measure (I don't like to think about what would have happened if I played and had gotten another one right after...lucky to be alive, for sure), as I felt sort of woozy and out of it. However, this feeling quickly passed in about an hour, so I (stupidly) decided to play another game. The 'out of it' feeling came back that night, but I just assumed it was tiredness and the fact that I had just started my period.

I played again the next day in a rough game and had some hard hits to the ground - one hit knocked the wind out of me and I chose to sit out for the last 10 or so minutes (thinking back, I'm wondering if this could have been another concussion or not - it definitely wasn't as hard as the other one was, but I still felt pretty bad). On the drive back, the out of it feeling returned and I, again, chalked it up to being exhausted.

The next few days I felt really dizzy and foggy and took it pretty easy for a week or so, and thought I had recovered, or at least was on the road to full recovery. However, about two weeks after the hit, I started to fall back into feeling symptomatic, albeit not seriously so, so I decided to have a singular beer one night at a party. Since then, I have not been the same as I was.

For the entire month of May, I spiraled into a derealized/depersonalized state that left me with severe anxiety, insomnia, and a depression I had never experienced before. To make things worse, I was obligated to take my finals that week, so I really had to push myself to still do well academically. I am leaps and bounds better than I was two and a half months ago, but I still have some lingering issues that I would appreciate some insight on, or just some reassurance that I'm not crazy!

My symptoms as of now are:
- Depth perception problems (the same)
- Depersonalization/derealization/my sense of time is off (has gotten better, my working memory is fine, but this aspect still bothers me so much and is mostly constant)
- Insomnia (I usually sleep in 3-4 hour intervals and wake up 2-3 times a night, but once in a blue moon I get 6 or 7 continuous - has gotten better, am on 20mg amitriptyline)
- Mild oscillopia (bouncy vision) while running + shaking head from side to side (the same)
- Some noise sensitivity (has gotten better)
- Anxiety + depression from feeling disconnected (this is the most debilitating)

I have been to a functional neurologist (cleared from) and have gone through vestibular therapy. I am also seeing a therapist for the mental health struggles. Cognitively, I feel pretty intact and I have no problems working out and exerting myself with high-level cardio. I have no troubles with screens or high-level reading, either. My biggest and most pressing concern is the derealization and warped time perception. It makes me feel really disconnected from myself and like I am not the same person. I often have (passive) suicidal thoughts because of the ruminations that come from feeling this way.

I know I am getting better, and that I should be grateful. I'm also aware that I am early in my recovery and that others have suffered for longer with greater ailments, but I'm just looking for some insight on these symptoms, because it's turned by life upside-down for the worse.

So, some questions (as promised):

1. Where else can I turn to help treat my visual problems? The functional neurologist I went to saw no problems with my visual tracking or convergence/divergence abilities after treatment. He was pretty confident that I was close to recovery a month and a half ago and yet, here I am.

2. How does one deal with the disconnectedness? I am always thinking 'inside' my head and comparing my immediate experience to before the injury. Not an hour goes by without me thinking about the concussion, and it's really debilitating.

3. Since I was kicked in the ear, could this be an inner ear issue? If so, how do I go about getting that treated? My balance is fine and I don't feel particularly dizzy, but my vision is still messed up somehow.

Thank you in advance. This forum has been an invaluable resource for me throughout my recovery.