Bizi....
Please dont be so hard with yourself.... Can I say what I think about you ? the way I see you ? You seem to me like such a strong woman... with the power to do whatever you want, whatever you feel is right for you.... You know you can loose weight, you know you can stop drinking whenever you want...

You are full of compassion and empathy, use them with yourself as well ! You do not seem obese in any of the few pics I have seen.... and calling yourself names just because you are 200 lbs doesnt feel right to me... Dont try to obsess about "healthy life style", that is hard and harsh, like any other excess....

Excersise whenever you can, drink water to help you, but dont be so hard please.... I have been overweight all my life (except when I was anorexic), see, both edges are extreme and bad for my physical and mental health.... sometimes the obsession with something is worse than the thing itself.... I have a friend that was suffering so much trying to quit smoking.... he was so maniac about it that we were lossing him more than if he keeps smoking.... I know smoking is not healthy, but obsessing with quitting is not either....

Please hang in there, you are so worth it whatever your weight is... we love you so much