I went through a real crisis yesterday. I had a stomach ache all day and night and felt so much anger and terror that I would run out of money. I was so angry at Marci. I was terrified that maybe death would hold more suffering than my life. I have suffered so much. Looking forward to more suffering was pure terror. I didn't even take any of my medicines except for Metformin. I finally took the rest at night. I don't even want to think what that was about.
I listened to my phone messages. One was to go out to lunch. Later Cecilia called me and told me to call her. I called her and went over with a few toys.
She said I was so angry and Marci was a nice woman and I should control my anger. She said she just had no manners. Now I decided I will offer her more clothes that I was going to give to the good will.
She said I had to stop spending. She also knew about Emmet till and she is swedish and didn't come to this country til she was around twenty. I was shocked and felt so ignorant. We watched the patriots but I couldn't concentrate. I left after half time.
I still feel like isolating and haven't checked to see if I got any more messages. I need medication.
love
bobby