Hey grifter, welcome. Yeah, anxiety is a sure way to make PN feel even worse. Try to calm down, take stock of the situation, and see what you can do to improve (quit drinking, replenish vitamins, start a healthy way of eating - which is not as complicated as many want you to believe - and keep or start moving a bit (little goes a long way).


Do not fret over the past: you can't change it, not even if you are Superman. You will find people in this thread who have been exactly where you are now (or worse...). We made it work, and we are in no way exceptional people. But we did stay focused, and wanted out/a better way to live.


Indeed we can not diagnose over the internet, but let's say I would be highly surprised if it wouldn't be PN. Some symptoms may be unrelated, or made worse by the PN, but yeah, if I were a betting man...


One tip: don't feel better than the folks who are worse off. For me it helped to be humble: my brain wasn't going to make me better, listening to other people did. Accepting help. And yes, I too learned where to score drugs etc. I too heard stories I had never dreamed of; people setting their house on fire to get attention, some people died while I was there in rehab... Try to filter out the noise, but don't judge them. Focus on you.


Good luck, keep visiting, keep trying. At some point it goes "click" and a new world and future slowly open up. And you will appreciate it even more when you look back and remember the state you are in now.


You can do it.