Hello

It’s me
I’m sorry to hear all the losses
But you bring up something most cannot grasp
That includes me at moments
I control but myself and only myself
I’m blown away to have found while sitting in my oncologist office how many men are there for reasons like mine
Breast cancer

Sadly after all these years I finally addressed the pain I was suffering
Only to have be mutilated
I did my homework
Surgery was July 19 of this year
Cried like a baby
Bed bound for 5 weeks
It’s one thing for a second badly heals job due
To see him post op 6 months
Both hurt badly the pig skin was sewn to the ribs
Both from under the arm under to the center
They are not symmetrical in anyway
I wait to ask why did you not just close me up
I feel as if I were a project that failed
I cannot look at myself and will still never be able to wear a bra
I did everything I was supposed to and in the end
The very end of it all the only thing left is acceptance
I’m alive
Right
You would think
With all the situational crap that is sucking the rest of my life
Turning it over and over and over
Why does it have to be so hard to fight to want to be alive
I still yet to find true love if that even exists
My chest hurts so badly right now refuse to take any pain pills
I have managed to decrease 5 mg at a time
1of my three anxiety meds and two of my four muscle relaxers
And as much as that be a huge accomplishment it is as far as I can go
I’m still learning David
And the truth of it all
We lost sight of us
I sure learnt the extreme
Acceptance is a B***H
I just do not want to have to fight wanting to live

Take good care of you
Wishing you great recovery and happiness to you
Take care
Me