Hi goodgrief20

Hope you are progressing, please feel free to contact me directly for any further questions on DP/DR for your recovery.

I relate to what you have posted and its a very lonely place to be. There is depersonalization and derealization (DP/DR.I suffer more from derealization (DR) where the world looks like a movie or a dream.

I suffered a TBI with onset of derealization due to Anoxic brain injury while having bad sleep apnea and taking CNS depressants Ambien & Alzam. I was going through a traumatic period in my life and couldn't sleep. Im left with a host of symptoms (to many to mention) but very bad vision sits high on the list, my vision is very blurry, any light seems dim, eyes dont adjust to changes in light contrast. The most frustrating thing is that my close family say I look ok, but who can see whats going on with ones brain!

I had sudden onset of DP within while taking this medication as I realised it as I woke up. I felt very disorientated and the world felt like a dream.I feel like a ghost, I also dont know my "old self" and can only remember what I used to be. It feels like I have to start from scratch how to relate to the world. The extreme derealisation and vision issues coupled with the personality issues of self have left me acrophobia, thats how bad it has got.

When I went through the trauma I left UK and came back to South Africa, where I dont have medical support and insurance, so I am alone on this.

I did a lot of research myself and it makes sense to me, as I remember when I woke up one morning completely disorientated with DR whilst on the medication. Maybe I am lucky to be alive, but with really harsh symptoms. I subsequently quickly titrated off the medication after this incident. Hindsight would have been better! My theory is it suppressed my central nervous system by taking two CNS medications caused CNS depression, and whilst having sleep apnea, I had hypoxia (Absence of enough oxygen in the tissues and brain to sustain bodily function). Since then, apart from extreme DR, I have serious problems with short term memory, vision problems (dimmed vision with natural light and worse with fluorescent lights), bad insomnia and agoraphobia. This apart from extreme anxiety, there are so many other symptoms it can be equalled to brain trauma. I lost a lot a lot of my cognitive abilities, business skill sets. The brain fog is so bad and have not been able to work.Its like a computer hard drive being erased and rebooted which is fragmented. Apart from the fact that I have bad agoraphobia and DR I basically am bedridden as do not function properly, and have to force myself to get out of bed or to do any activity or exercise. I cannot socialise at all, as feel too uncomfortable with the DR. I say more DR than DP, as its more about how I perceive the world through a glass pane, and people look more like mannequins compared to when I felt normal. I feel emotionally distant from my own family which is an uncomfortable one to deal with, even from my own son.

Ironically, I have had depersonalizaton 12 years ago, and got through it after approx. 4 years., mostly through very high stress.

Its definately not psychosis, as you wouldn't be aware of yourself and actions if it was psychosis.

Your question, was do you accept this as status quo or does the depersonalization lift?

My answer to this, is that I am trying to treat this symptom the same as when I had DP, which is to accept the feeling to reduce the anxiety, and the lower ones anxiety level drops, the potential increases to break the anxiety cycle which makes this feeling worse. Its not as easy as one thinks, as the symptom is so uncomfortable, and sets one in a continuous cycle of anxiety.
j
There is a guy on Youtube which runs a host of support videos for DP/DR. ** the Anxiety Ninja.

All the best for your recovery and hope we can beat this one!