I really shouldn't be here right now, but I want to document how I'm feeling while I'm feeling it.

The best way I can think to describe it is as if I just drank a full cup of coffee...I'm so physically tired, but i can't relax. I do worry about things which elevate my anxiety, but then I can get it to a dull mild level again. I'm so tired from working out. I did a jog/walk today and moved my arms around a lot instead of my steady walk this time. I had this energy I haven't had in years, but now I'm spent, but with that restlessness. I want to cry for a few reasons-that thing that's troubling me...i want to be there to address it, but I know I just need to rest my mind. I'm stressed about remembering to set meat out to thaw when I just want to call it quits for the day (it's too early to set it out now). I'm so tired, but my mind is bored. I'm thinking about all the things I want to write. Started to add to my story for the writing camp coming up since I'm finally feeling inspiration again, but had to stop typing because I was...you guessed it! Too tired (to hold my arms up).

Plus what doesn't help is this neck ache that I woke up with, but forgot to mention all day.

Oh, I didn't even finish that thought! So I want to cry (another reason because I'm frustrated with my marriage and very stressed there, plus the doctor app being canceled) but I can't make tears! Like it feels like that overwhelmed feeling you get right before you vomit, but you only dry heave. Well, it's like that, only I dry cry...sorta...only I don't get the relief after...

So I guess I'm also irritable, but it's not as bad as earlier. Oh but I still feel angry at my husband when I think of his complaining tonight. Something about the mess in the kitchen. I had just worked out, I was too tired to even finish with the yoga/stretch I usually do after and this just tightened back up all my muscles that the exercise was helping. Again, I can calm it down again, but then it sparks up again. It's as if my brain is saying, "oh! You wanna relax? Well too damn bad for you! Haha!" Evil brain...

Ok, that's probably enough. I don't wanna bother anyone. I just wanted you to know what I'm going through right now, whatever it may be called. It's not fun. :/