Hello everyone.

Yesterday i was walking out of my front door when the wind pushed it back at me, it hit my shoulder and forearm for sure, but i was so shocked i didn’t register if it hit my head. When i get startled i get very startled if that makes any sense. I was feeling strange and out of myself, my vision was going haywire going in and out of focus like when i had my first concussion. My neck felt stiff and rigid.

One hit i could barely handle, but the situation later got out of hand.

I called up the hospital and was told to come in, so i got my girlfriend to drive me there. My girlfriend thinks i’m mad at this point, maybe i am i don’t know anymore.

I was seen by a doctor that did what they always do, the tests whether i could walk straight and touch my nose and all that. The one where you close one eye and tell how many fingers they hold up i failed horrible, my vision for some reason was terrible, everything was double or blurry. The doctor commented that my pupils were very large even in the very well lit room, but dismissed it as some people having larger pupils, even though i told her that my pupils are usually not very big.

I was told that i may or may not have a concussion and sent home anyway and told to rest, what else did i expect?

On the ride home my girlfriend went off on me about how i was crazy and it was all in my head and that ever since my first concussion i have been a wreck etc etc. I told her that i know what i feel, and i’m certain how a concussion feels at this point.

She didn’t like that at all and when we rolled into the driveway, out of frustration she punched me. I couldn’t believe it i was stunned. She has never done anything like that before. She hit me right where the arm and abdomen meet, so am i unsure if she also hit my chin or anything else on my head, since i was in the passenger seat looking at her. It was pretty much as hard as she could hit, which admittedly isn’t extremely hard, but my shoulder hurt for a couple seconds.

Maybe she hit my head, maybe i recoiled in disbelief and hit the side of the car, i don’t know.

I don’t blame her. The last months have been a nightmare for us both.

She apologised but i had to get away from the entire situation.

After this my head was a mess, i felt so confused and out of it, i kept a calm face and told her i wanted to be alone for awhile and went out into the shed and started crying hysterically. I have never felt like that in my life, it felt surreal, i can’t describe it but it felt almost like i was hallucinating. Everything felt wrong and looked wrong. I couldn’t think straight and it just felt horrible. My thoughts were spelling doom and brain damage for the rest of my life.

I could barely keep it together before and now existence felt pointless and my state of mind was just wrong. I ended up falling asleep on the couch in the shed.

Today it all seems so strange, i have a terrible headache and my vision is still messed up. My pupils are like big disks and i’m certain that i have a concussion or worse. My senses all feel wrong, like everything is muffled. Yesterday feels lile a fuzzy dream, it’s hard to explain, it doesn’t feel real.

What should i do? Am i right? Is she right that it’s all in my head? I’m certain that i’m correct, but if i was deluded would i not think so?

I just don’t know what to do from here, i don’t know where to start. I had just gotten to the point where i could accept what had happened to me and start moving forward, but now i feel like i don’t know what i feel. I feel so confused.

I’m afraid. Afraid because it has gotten so much worse, i feel so stupid. I’m afraid that it’s going to become even worse over the next few days. I’m afraid for my future, and what so many concussions over such a short amount of time will mean for me.

I found a psychologst a little while back and my first apointment is next week.

What do i do now?

I’m sorry about all my ramblings, but i had to ask someone that might understand