2900 days. In 22 days it will be 8 years.



I was not doing well these last 3 months. I tumbled into a depression around February. Not entirely sure why, it's the first time in my life, but it was overwhelming, scary, and nasty. Waking up with deep dark thoughts, no longer eating, lost about 12kg, no energy to do anything at all. Still tried to force myself to be productive, but that only made things worse. Nothing mattered anymore, and I felt like my life was over. Useless. Failed.



Time to call for help.



I was lucky to get the right med first time around. Although there were serious side effects, I bounced back pretty quickly, and I'm currently feeling fine. (despite all the doom & gloom in the world). Found my energy and bounce again, and most importantly, my sense of humor and self-worth.


Surprisingly - or not? - I did not long for a drink during those darkest hours. I actually didn't even think about it, it was more in hindsight that I noticed "hey, somehow that self-destructive behaviour did not come up as an option in my brain." Needless to say I was/am very pleased with that.


At first, I did not want to share this, as it feels very personal; but then I gathered it might potentially help someone else. So yeah, it is possible to get sober in such a way that even during a depression you no longer see alcohol as a viable option. As a "way out". More than that, I didn't even think about it. There are two cupboards full of booze in our house, and I never even looked at them.


Some day science will be able to explain how it works. How you can turn off that switch. I wished I could tell you how I did it, but I don't know. I only know it's possible - and many others have found that switch too. So, if you ever wonder "can I really get rid of my urge to drink", the answer is: yup.