ok, so i lie. this does get a bit long, but here it is. also completely forgot, but i got to see "MY" kitties today and weigh myself. "MY" boys are doing great! Shy Blackie was even coming up to me more than Graybee and letting me pet him. And he never went back into hiding from that point until I left. Like, he even practically said goodbye to me! hehe Just so pleased. As far as my weight, well, I'm like kinda back to my heaviest (i think. I frankly can't remember anymore), but I'm also on my period. Still. time to get back to exercise!

-----------------------------------------Now for the Official Update--------------

So yeah, she got my email. Apologized for not writing back and was even super appreciative how I said I didn't want to cross any boundaries by writing when not necessary, but that she was actually completely fine with me if I sent her things in between sessions, as long as I didn't have expectations for an urgent response. Totally fair! She's been super accomodating! And even at the end of the session, she said I could try to arrange last minute sessions, any time and any day (except Sunday) and she'd do her best to make it happen. So cool, right?!

Now the nitty gritty. (and I will still try to keep this short). We discussed a few of the points; stuff that was of most concern right now. She did actually read it beforehand and said they were all good things to address though. But so we did discuss at length some, and part of the discussion centered around my feelings and anxieties and how experiences with my Dad in the past were sometimes similar and sometimes different than my husband and the irony about how my husband isn't the biggest fan of my Dad either, and kind of inferred that Dad doesn't always agree with H's ways either and how I'm stuck in the middle. My relationship with my parents, especially Mom, but both, is very important to me, but H wants to protect me from the toxicity of my Dad. I understand the concern, but I also, as i said, want to see more of Mom (again, not counting pandemic crap). Complicated.

She also asked about my relationship with my sister. Said we were close, but I couldn't talk about some things (like personal marital matters) with her for fear of judgment and or gossip. Not that sis would intentionally gossip, but she talks a lot. And she can be judgey with other things...like how people dress, or if they act kind of carefree she seems to make us feel like we're kinda wild and she'd never do that...in a way though, these are good things. If I'm concerned about whether I'm being a little "out there", she can return me to center. Anyway...

but the basic idea is that I really don't have anyone to really talk to about serious matters, not family, not husband, and I need that. I need this therapy...and so next session, we are going to talk about how I can express just how very important this is for me to my husband and how I really need it...it's to be proactive to save the marriage, not to make us even more distant. I really really hope she can help me feel comfortable making that conversation happen and that I do it and that it goes well. It's scary! I don't think he would, but if H left me because I was going to therapy...I mean, omg! How crazy would that be! And I don't want him to, and I really do appreciate the bounty of good things I have with him, and even recognized and told T just how good things have been over the last 2 weeks with just a couple of concerns, but no fighting and so I know things CAN be good...it's just H has to want it. I really hope he does.