Day 151.

Well 150 days without a drink. It was surprisingly easy. Apart from the first few Fridays and Saturdays and Sunday lunchtimes that were key drinking times for me the desire of alcohol was negligible. Lock down has helped of course. I have lived alone (of course I have that's what alcohol does) and that has helped. I have some vodka in the cupboard that I have kept to make emergency hand gel or whatever but that has never materialised. The thought of drinking it doesn't appeal.

But with the easing back of Lock down restrictions, there are new dangers. The pubs open again on July 4th in the UK or at least their garden areas. I predict mayhem and the mass breakdown of social distancing and maybe law and order. It would be easy to share a beer with old buddies, but again it does not appeal to me. They know I don't drink now ( from pre Lock down gatherings and endless Zoom quizzes) but they don't know why. I have told only 1 person about PN. Should I come out?

The new battleground for me is this ... I like a woman at work ( I started again last week) and I think she likes me, though we haven't met since March. Can I really woo her on dates without alcohol? I'm not sure I've actually done that before. Alcohol makes me confident and interesting and funny and better in bed. I actually believe all these things to be true and that I am shy, boring and dull without it, though still pretty good in bed! The temptation to drink is very real and I fear it.

Last week I got a phone call from the hospital and had nerve conduction tests. This was my first appointment due to delays by Covid 19. It said Dr on the door. I explained my symptoms of PN, the sharp shooting pains etc, but he was only interested in tingling and numbness. He used ancient looking electrical devices and a tape measure that a tailor might use to measure your waist. He took readings from my right hand that appeared to be normal, didn't bother with my left hand and then both feet. My right foot was decidedly less reactive. He told me that my measurements were slightly low but within normal limits. He said I did not have PN and that he will measure me in 6 months and inform the neurologist, and so I wait for my first appointment still with the neurologist. How this Dr can tell me I don't have PN when he was not even interested in hearing my symptoms and dismissive of my suffering I find baffling. He also referenced Guillain-Barré syndrome, and I think this is irresponsible such are the potential consequences if that were true. I admit I have not mentioned alcohol. I think the doctor's problem was that I arrived with my own diagnosis that he wanted to contradict. And that I don't look ill and I "move well." ( his words)

Apologies for going on a bit.