Not sure where to start. Increasingly more difficult to express myself these days. Writing something like this takes me forever. Finding the words/re-reading/erasing/retyping etc. I've been feeling real sad for a long time now. Too many reasons/situations/occurances etc to explain fully. Not sure if it's real "depression" or just a case of "a lot of crap happening one after another for a long while now", therefore having every reason to be feeling just "Plain old extremely and understanderbly sad". Whatever the reason, due to past/recent life experiences etc, I feel a lot of what's been causing a fair bit of the sadness/hurt/confusion/frustration etc, is a feeling of not being heard/understood. Not heard by family, by doctors or by friends. Feeling I've tried everything in my power to be heard/never giving up/always brushing myself off and trying again. It really hasn't helped that I tried twice to ask for a forum to please be added on both the "forum request" threads and was seemingly not heard. *sighs* I keep telling myself it was just an oversite and mostly that's what I believe but, again, due to past/current situations/occurances, it's darn hard to ignore being "not heard" again.
Anyway, not really important in the big pic after all, just saying it adds to the feelings. I guess I'm just venting because I'm finding it more difficult than ever, in my past, to "brush myself off....". I'm not even sure I want to. I'm so tired of trying to be heard. I'm tired of not feeling able to trust anymore. I'm tired of feeling like my body is falling apart/I'm in pain etc and no one hears me. Perhaps I'm just tired. Perhaps it is all in my head. Perhaps it's just me.
I'm not sure. I'm not even sure any of this post makes sense. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.
Wishing you all better days ahead,
FS