i feel so lost. I am thinking of buying a bottle of scotch. I can't stand the way I feel.
I have been up since three. Robert is coming over again to see if he can fix my printer. He now thinks that something might have dropped in it. Last night he was here for one and a half hours working on it. He has so much patience. I was getting more and more anxious.. I was looking on my terrace and no longer saw the drain. New tiles were installed on the terrace.It looks like they covered over the drain. I can't believe that there isn't another way to drain the big terrace to prevent more floods. My anxiety kept on going up and up. The exterminator came on Thursday. Early this morning when I went into the kitchen I saw my first roach and a black bug in the kitchen. my anxiety went higher. I spent over an hour this morning looking for printers in case Robert can't fix it. That was giving me anxiety. I was really hurting because I started missing Suri so much. I am having trouble with God. I am having trouble feeling close to him. That is really making me suffer.
I have been trying to talk to him and tell him I love him but I feel such a distance.
A volunteer might call me today. She forgot to call me on Thursday. Now I am feeling sorry for Aaron. He doesn't like his temporary job and it is such a hard time with the virus to find a new one. He can't be with his wife who is Russian and can't get a visa til she has a physical in Moscow and the hospital right now is only taking care of people with the virus. I am also anxious about not boring him. He is so bright and comes from a wonderful family and I try not to talk about my being the scapegoat in my dysfunctional family.
I had to hang up on Marci when Aaron called so I hope I didn't hurt her feelings. Right now I can't handle being bipolar. My medication doesn't seem to be working. I am so totally stressed out about the virus.