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Old 08-15-2020, 06:38 PM
guitardude guitardude is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2019
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guitardude guitardude is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 32
5 yr Member
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Quote:
Originally Posted by middle82 View Post
I realize that this an old thread, and that goodgrief20 is likely gone from the forum, but when I read through I thought I must post, because I've been experiencing something very similar to what goodgrief described, and also because it seems that goodgrief is a similar thinker to myself. Reading the words they wrote, I could see myself expressing myself and describing the situation the same way. I'm about six months out from the injury - sustained in a car crash. For the first few months, I felt a near-complete depersonalization similar to what goodgrief described. Since then I've been able to integrate more to an extent. I've been back at my (mentally demanding) work for a month, and I'm getting through it ok, but a job that I used to find easy is now very demanding and taking up most of my energy.

I still feel very dissociated. It feels like my consciousness, my thoughts, my perceptions, and my emotions are all disconnected from each other. They are still happening, but there is little integrated connection. And I feel the same feeling of mental blankness, with little inner dialogue. It's like my mind can still do a lot of things, but I can't "feel" it doing those things, feel disconnected from it, and my consciousness has to actively recruit my mind to do the things it wants, which can be difficult and tiring.

I might come back and describe my sensations and situations in more depth later. Also curious if anyone is feeling similar things.
That's a really good way to describe what I was feeling for a long time . Work was taxing in that It felt like I had to make a conscious effort to do anything analytical.

The first 6 months were very frustrating... I'd say around that time I started having good days occasionally, but then regressing into dissociation for weeks at a time. I can say that months 12-15 for me is when I really started to feel myself again, and that created sort of a positive feedback loop with my mental wellbeing, which in turn helped to sort of 'reactivate' my conscious. November will be 2 years, and I feel like I'm largely out of the woods, enjoying my math-y job once again, so hang in there!
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