Folks, I was doing good all day, but then the sadness, the painful desires are happening again.

Like see, the thing is, ...the thing is that I can totally justify my behavior and my yearning. I'm missing something in my real life. But I just still feel bad about it... it's just a moral dilemma, that I don't think anyone here can really help me with, unfortunately.

But ok, as far as the energy and sleep stuff. Well, I feel the energy has been a good thing because I'm getting back to doing productive things. And still not everything I used to do, but much better. I fear changing meds will only put me back into depression, because frankly, that's all that happened when i was experimenting with stabilizers. That and the terribly despairing weight gain.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure sleep was better today. Was still a late night, but at least 30 to 60 minutes earlier and I slept through the night (well, I didn't stay up when I woke up). But I can't remember exactly when I got up. Worst case I got like 5 hours, best case 6.5?? Yea, I mean that's still not a lot, but idk. I think it's ok, since I'm not really working out and im eating a bit less (Think I'm eating a bit less).

But to add to this, I'm feeling pretty sad right now. It's basically that yearning for something I'm missing, or even more than what I need in this life...i am just allowing myself to think bad things sometimes just so I'm not sad, if that makes sense. Like I pretend or fantasize that I could just have whatever I am wanting, when deep down, I know it doesn't work that way...especially for me. :/