I just thought of something that's keeping me from more sleep ()Well, that and the sunrise)

So, I am mixed about this, but in a way it's good I'm starting to recall some of these feelings I've actually had as a teen. I'm feeling very much like I did this one night I did something stupid. I'm starting to believe it was a mental health issue. Everyone was shocked by what I did. They thought I must've been drunk. When I said I wasn't, they looked at me like i was a freak. It kinda ruined my relationship with my crush at the time too. Gah! Like when i did the thing, it just made total sense in my mind. Bur afterwards, i felt stupid about it. Like, wow!

Part of why I'm recalling this is because it happened late one night when I was sleeping on the couch at my aunt's house. And I'm sleeping on the couch right now. Very same feelings... I don't know that I can really do anything stupid though because I'm not in an environment that is like tempting me really...but I don't know. Suppose I could still somehow.

Oh yes! And I just want to say, this feels kinda like some mixed episode. Was having suicidal ideation last night. Really bad mental place, crying and all that, but still hyper in my mind, still obsessing...

Ok, well, gonna try to sleep some more.