Diagnosed clinically depressed in 2009 after I had a panic attack from a trigger of a traumatic experience I had. I dated a Marine with PTSD and refused to get treatment. I had to break up with him and he scared me, I stayed at mh parent's house for a month. WhenI finally came home, I decided to sleep with knife under my pillow. My children found it, but when they did, their reaction triggered how I felt that night he scared me. The doctor prescribed Lorazepam, which I took for three months. Its safe to say that I haven't had one since.

Why I am here now is because: when that happened it was 2006, that same year we lost a family to leukemia. Then in 2009, we lost my grandmother to cancer as wel. 2010, my childrens father got deported. 2011 they were victims of bullying, my son was getting out of control, I asked my family for help, they called cps. While all of this was going on, I irresponsibly get into a relationsbip who seemed to want to make things worse not better. My house was raided, and I lost my apartment of eight years. The day he gets arrested, I was at my bestfriends funeral. I became honeless immediately. That was just the beginning. In the mist of it all, my brother who I had been living with besides my parents hope, moves to another statr. He was in a fatal accident in 2014, my. cousin the same year. My children's father has not returned, and has not communicated with us. He said to be dead. If he is we can't even hold a funeral. If he is not, it is sickening to bd in anticipation.

Believe it or not, there is a lot more, but those were on top of head, and at the tip of my tongue. Needless to say, I am basically dealing with all that and a lot more by myself. My family does not want to talk about what happened - they haven't even checked to see how I'm doing. While I was homeless they didn't bother. Luckily, cps didin't place them into the foster system, but that is a whold different thread. Again, I am dealing with this alone, and now it seems I have become a hermit. I only go out if necessary, and there is no need to so I stay home.

Not expecting a miracle, in my case I'm going to need more than one but this is my way of reaching out as opposed to talking to myself. Thnk you.