From bad to worse. Ok, not really. Just very tired right now.

Yea I have been working on my writing and spending lots of time on the computer between that and everything, and so last night I guess things caught up. I couldn't sleep.

The thing is, my mind was wired from this new endeavor I started. It also turns out, according to my symptoms and what I've read on the matter (as well as what my old therapist and as well as a friend suspects) that I very likely have a bit of ADHD. My particular focus/symptom right now is the distractibility but with the hyperfocus.

That explains a few things.

And I guess it's known to have up and down moods too...but I dunno. I might have a touch of both this and bipolar. (For real, if my therapist suspected ADHD, why didn't they test for that??!...or maybe they did, but my cognitive function was fine enough?? U ghhh. So frustrating!)

Anyway, I've been following the online(?) Apptitude Magazine (wait, is that the name? ) Anyway, there was a very helpful article, one describing these symptoms and another part describing ways to manage this "affliction". One such thing was for the friends and family to do. Touch gently my shoulder if I'm not responding to words. I specifically have told my husband to do this a few times already before this, and he even agreed with the therapist that ADHD sounds like me, and yet he doesn't do these things. He still argues, talks down to me, and the like whenever I'm not doing what he wants/how he wants/ when he wants it. He used to be a pretty patient guy, and still is, I guess, but the years and the fact that I "haven't changed " really, have probably worn him down. I dunno! I feel similarly about him, for the record.

Anyway, so that, oh! And the OCD test came back very high too. I don't obsess over numbers or repeating actions or stuff like that, but I dunno, somehow got a high score there too. Same with the bipolar again (high functioning, is a term I recently came across. I think that might be me)

Whatever it is, I had to get up at a "reasonable" time today, so I really only got like 4.5 hours of sleep. Of course today is when the article about the importance of sleep for ADHD mind comes up, and we already know its importance for bipolar, but like I just have no time for a nap yet!

I REALLY want to win my writing challenge this year, and I'm like pretty much on track all month and am not expecting to have to go anywhere this year cuz of Covid, so it is the perfect time! ... but you know, sleep is so important...but if I don't win this year, I'll be crushed. Like I mean...i dunno. I freaking NEVER really finish anything on time, or just finish things at all (other symptoms),...maybe with the knowledge of my likely disorder, i might be able to forgive myself a little?? Except im struggling, honestly, to be patient with my husband who literally doesn't give a damn about my writing hobby. Ugh!!

Anyway. My minute is up, so I'll chat later. <3