i am really out of control. i feel like an alcoholic. my father was one and he finally late in life told me he drank to make himself feel better. i grew up in a very disfunction selfish family and was the caretaker at a very young age when older tried not to drink. yesterday and early this morning i was so self indulgent and destructive. because i have been so depressed i gorged myself on a huge amount of ice cream ,a whole pie and some little pies i am so overweight and have diabetes and just didn't care.
while i was eating i wasn't depressed. as soon as i stopped eating the depression came back and i plan to do it again.