tomhe,
How are you? Are you getting any sleep?
Don't forget there are the "STICKY" threads at the top of the page with very helpful information.

e.g. STICKY - Important Links to Useful websites

I know that sometimes we don't feel well enough to read a lot but you will find a lot of posts from people who have posted here in the past who have been in very similar situations are you. Read posts from glenntaj if you can.

If you ever feel you can't cope anymore please reach out for help, and by the way, there is an SOS forum here. https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/. It's very quiet forum but always available for people who are having trouble coping. There's usually someone around who can talk.

take care and please let us know how you're going.