Try to keep posting, even when you are not doing as well as you'd want. Posting = accountability.

I can only say that for me, it was impossible to stop without help. I tried twice, went for several months, and then crashed both times. It took me 70+ days in rehab to reset my brain.

I know it's easy for me to say, it's not as expensive here, but we had to turn our life upside down in order to allow for me being gone for that long. It was hard. I lost my clients/job. But I'd be dead now if I hadn't done "hard".

Keep trying, not for us, but for you, for your son (but mostly for you, the rest will follow). Try out AA meetings, maybe several. Some will fit you, some won't. They vary depending on the group, some are more into religion, some are not. Try to find a sponsor.

And remember that it gets easier. Not trying to sell you anything, or give dumb and easy false hope: it can be done, we know it can be done. You somehow need to find the right path that fits YOU.

I wish you the best in finding a way to recover.