Before I begin, sorry for the long post but anyone who reads it all and assists would be greatly appreciated!

So I received a concussion November 2020 from an accidental knee to the face during martial arts training. It threw me pretty bad. I wasn't knocked out and had never had a concussion before but I had a headache so sat out training and iced my head.

However, I knew something was off as I felt out of it driving home and didn't come right for the next 4 hours so I went to doctors and they said it was a concussion.

Worst injury I have ever had by far: 8 days off work, couldn't look at screens or do much of anything for about 5 days, and it took me about 2 weeks to feel better.

Returned to martial arts training at the 3 week mark. Looking back I wish I hadn't as after tons of research I got the impression that even if you feel symptom free at 3 weeks (like most places suggest for returning to sport), that your brain is still in the very critical healing stage for up to 6-8 weeks.

Now I am not saying this is true but it makes me wish I had taken a little more time to recover especially since I was returning to a contact sport.

However, I went back to normal and trained for 4 months perfectly fine. But then it happened. I was lying on the mat on my back and my head no joke got bounced fairly lightly up and down a few times probably no higher than 5 - 10cm on a semi soft mat and I instantly knew something was wrong.

I felt off again and again got checked by doctor and physio. They "diagnosed" another concussion but I was back at work within 3 days, and apart from not doing exercise felt mostly normal save a few headaches, tightness in neck etc.

This made it complicated because the doctors and physio were then saying they were not sure it was a concussion, and my physio reckons that the first concussion gave me a major whiplash and that this second episode was actually an issue with my brain stem/neck and not a concussion.

Even my doctor was potentially saying it wasn't a concussion.

HOWEVER, this is where things went downhill. I was actually in a new(very mentally demanding job), very soon after this "supposed concussion" and for the most part was able to function just fine.

I continued everything I did except sport, and I quit martial arts (grappling) and did NO exercise for 5 months. Again, this was a HUGE mistake on my part I think but I was SO scared of getting a concussion because I now believed that even small bumps can cause them since my previous "concussion" was so light.

Little jolts/jostles/bumps would cause a MASSIVE spike in symptoms. I would get a tight neck, headache, feel "out of it" nauseous, dizzy etc depending on the situation and I think over the last year I have been to doctor/physio probably about 11 or so times for "suspected concussion." Not once have I actually had one since, and I have been way better the last 6 months but still occasionally get flair ups.

So after months of this, I thought I had PCS but my doctor and physio reckon it is completely to do with my neck. And I think now I am 100% believing that as I've been pretty good the last 5 months and have been having weekly physio for strengthening myself and also having my neck adjusted once a week.

Fast forward to today and I haven't had it adjusted for 3 weeks and the last week has been fairly bad with little jolts/jerks causing issues and right now, I bumped my head very lightly and I have been feeling tight and pressure in head all day.

So it seems like it is all coming from my neck because when my neck goes out then I have bad symptoms.

So my big question is, what can I do moving forward? I can train gym fine, I can play tennis or swim fine, but I want to return to grappling martial arts. It has been over a year now since my last "concussion" but I am just SO scared of going back to grappling and having my head knocked accidently or my neck whiplashed or jolted.

I miss grappling SO much and I don't want to live in fear my whole life because right now, I feel like I live in fear. Everytime I jolt or bump my head I get stressed and anxious and even thought I manage it better and tell myself I'm fine, sometimes I get a bump or a knock that makes me feel crappy and I start stressing about a concussion all over again.

I'm honestly scared because I NEVER used to even THINK about concussions and always thought they were things people who got MASSIVE knocks got and now I think about them all the time.

Even when I am on the motorbike and go over a bump too hard and it bumps and shocks through my bottom into my neck and head I worry.

What do I do? If it is all coming from the neck what can I do? Anyone else experienced this?

Thanks for listening!