Hey everyone.

I'm at a point now where I am thinking about my QOL long term for certain things

I've been seeing the following:

PT - for neck pain, tightness etc. Have had acupuncture weekly, massage and now some strengthening exercises.

Phsychologist - For servere anxiety about little bumps/knocks and constant worrying about concussion.

Concussion specialist - Just monitoring me and my recovery

For anyone who hasn't seen my journey I'll give a brief list here:

April 2020 - Fell off Motorcycle and hit my head. No concussion but definitely took a knock.

November 2020 - First concussion. I used to train BJJ (combat sport/grappling) and took a knee to the eye by accident. Never had a concussion before. Wasn't knocked out just pain in eye. Drove home but felt off and light in the head and just wrong. Got checked and yep concussion. Was off work for 7 days, and was pretty **** for the first 3 or 4 days where I couldn't look at screens and slept a lot.

Went back to BJJ 3 weeks later, and was great.

March 2021 - Second concussion. Was such a light knock. Head bounced off a semi-soft mat a few times from like 5-10cm height. Instantly felt off and got diagnosed with another concussion. Weird thing was I started a new job 3 days later and took in A LOT of new info and was working mostly fine. I definintely felt light headed/dizzy/tired at points, but apart from avoiding sport I did everything pretty much normal.

PCS/anxiety/WAD started after this injury.

Advised to take a year off from BJJ and did so. Did not exercise for 5 months (definintely a mistake). Got back into sport etc and started to get better.

Was going great and cleared to return to BJJ.

Returned in March 2022.

May 2022, received a light bump to head. Kept training but when walking out of training I was a bit unstable and felt wobbly. Went to doctor and they "diagnosed" a concussion. Thing is I had not eaten for about 7 hours, was dehydrated and had a REALLY hard training, so I could have just been overworked/exhausted. I wouldn't have even thought of it as a concussion.

May 2022 - Three weeks later, I recieved an actual hit during training. I was bumped forward and more forehead drove straight into the ground. Wasn't TOO hard but I did feel my neck bend. Definitely felt off. I had 3 big nights the following 3 days (events etc), and while I was able to attend them, I had to rest all day and then go to them and then was tired/exhausted after. So this one felt like a concussion slightly.

June 2022 - Sadly, as I was coming right from the previous "knock" I had my car boot slam down on the back of my head. Definitely threw me and I basically slept for the next 2 days straight so definintely thought it was another concussion.

So anyway, here I am September 2022 and while I am feeling better, I'm certainly worse than I was when recovering during the 2021 year after 2 concussions.

The main things I am concerned about now are wanting to feel normal again and return to being active.

Right now, I can not even run down the stairs or even run full stop. I can't even walk fast without the back of my neck and head flaring up.

I don't want to return to combat sports, that has sailed.

But I want to be able to jump, run and MOVE fluidly again. Right now, I avoid jumping, or running or anything harsh that creates a jolting motion in my head.

I am working very well through the anxiety triggers like little bumps A LOT better now.

So now that I am beginning to control that, I'm looking towards wanting to get moving again.

I read this:

(Minor things jarring my head-Is this my life now?)

Someone mentioned that some people "have to deal with this phenomenon for the rest of their lives and do learn how to adjust their movements to minimize this from happening."

This worries me and makes me think I'll always be battling.

I just want to be able to do things like snowboard, or ride roller coasters, or drive without feeling the bumps in the road, run, jump, headband at a concert etc.

Right now, I just feel so stiff. I literally walk slow and careful all the time, afraid of bumps/jolts. I literally cannot walk hard in dress shoes as I FEEL the jolt through my head.

It is honestly so depressing.