so sorry about your poor traumatized kitty cat.
I think it bothers me more to hear about animals suffering than people suffering. what a horrid life. take her to the vet's. maybe something physical might be very wrong with her. please take her to the vet immediately.. you and jeff must feel so guilty.
Both my kitties are extremely affectionate. I give them so much attention. When I first got Pudgy she was terrified and kept on hiding everywhere. She even wound up hiding within the couch. I had to have a porter cut open the bottom and remove the legs so she couldn't go in there anymore. I persisted and would follow her and pet her and eventually no longer was she terrified. Now she usually sleep on the bed and is always available for petting, even in the middle of the night.
sorry about the ants.