@Bertrond, I feel your angst, what you've described is very much like the aftermath of my treatment for Hepatitis C in 2012. Prior to the tx I was "happy go lucky" as I had basically been all my life. After treatment I my sleep problems persisted, took a variety of prescribed meds. I didn't feel joy, the things I used to love doing didn't mean anything anymore. I basically had to rebuild my life, I began going to the gym, losing weight and building strength and agility, and a new outlook on living. Perhaps in the process I was able to "re-program" the neural pathways in my brain, as the Hep C meds likely damaged some regions in my central nervous system. I'm better now, but I still have to work at staying better.

Best of luck Bertrond, I hope you can get your life's passion back.