Dear Senator Coleman:

As a native Minnesotan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien, and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill, S.2611, which was recently proposed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for 5 years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for 3 of the last 5 years.

I know a good deal when I see one, and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000.00 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family, because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as “in-state” tuition for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

If you would please provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would not be able to vote for the opponent in your state at the next election.

Sincerely,
Your Constituent

Think he'll go for it?

Quiet week. My truckdriver son has been stuck at a Holiday Inn in Kansas City while his engine is being shipped off for warranty repairs. He has been there a week. My newly married son and his lovely bride left Wednesday to make their nest in Dallas, Texas and were able to stop and stay at the same hotel as his brother the truck driver. They had dinner togeather and a few beers to break the monotony for my son the truckdriver.

I hope everyone has had alot of bar-b-ques to try to beat the heat. We had lovely weather today in MN. The high was in the low 70's and it rained all day. Just what we needed to break the drought. Regular programming is running again. Was getting tired of the constant pictures of the bridge collapse. The media does tend to overdo it abit.

Vicky