i'm so sorry for your loss. it should probably be one of the others that replies to your post, i'm struggling today looking for answers myself. i lost my dad recently but what touched me more in your post is that i also lost my older brother. it was a long time a go and we were just kids but i still hurts.
nothing is the same, i've spent my life thinking "this is what i should do but then what would my brother have done" i have felt for a long time with life, my family etc that i have almost tried to live two lives. sounds strange but trust me its true.
it's hit me more since my dad died, i'm now the one my mum and sister turn too but more than ever i find myself looking around for my brother. i still feel even now, almost 30 years later, that its him they should be asking.
i went to see a friend of mine who put things in a strange but very true perspective. " grief is like a wave, at the moment you are sitting on a boat at the shore line... the waves rise and fall very quickly, one minute your at the crest the next your at the bottom..but as time goes by and your boat sails further out into the sea the waves take longer, you will still be down but it will just take longer to get there" it's 7 months since my dad died and all day for no sensible reason whatsoever i have wanted to call him, just hear his voice.. guess i'm at the bottom of the wave.....
take care