Yam,your first phrase brought a lump to my throat.I can almost feel your pain..and Jaye too.Your closest friend ...unbelievable.I haven`t as yet experienced this painful stage.I say "as yet" as it sure is the case that we never know how this illness is going to knock us off our guard next.I truly don`t know if I have the right words to say about this...but can only offer cyber hugs.
In my own experience "to date" I still have all my contacts and have made many many more wonderful friends,not least through this forum.All I can offer,and it is a poor attempt at making the sitiuation seem not so bad...is this.Perhaps the friends you have simply find it too painful to watch you going through this process and as someone said,Reverett I think,it might also be a little selfish in that it reminds them of what might happen to them,that life is fragile,and any disease is possible.
I have always said that I am glad to be the one in my family with the illness for I would find the notion of watching my sisters and brothers go through the same,almost an impossibility.But I knew my father was dying and somehow made it through the days,facing him,knowing the prognosis,knowing each day was one step closer.I know that this isn`t the case here but some folk just don`t have the strength to deal with illness of any sort anda would just sooner pretend it didn`t happen.Tough for all who miss out on the friendship.Perhaps they need educating in this condition.
This is where I take my hat off to the wonderful carers whose hearts must be raw at times but who labour on relentlessly,always there,always available.

I hope very much that you consider the folk here to be your new friends.Distanced in miles maybe but not in spirit.And Yam...when you feel a little brighter,give them a call,and try arranging a chat in the safety of your home.Surely they would travel to you.
I hope you feel less alone now...you are well supported here.

Love
Steff