I've fought with depression, too. I have other health problems that affect my feet and I often think that if I could just walk again, like go out for hikes, my whole body would respond and my muscles would loosen up. The notion that I have all these things to battle and that my life is changed so drastically does get me down, plus world events that used to cause me to look for solutions (take action) are now just wearing me down. A couple months ago, I stopped taking the little dose of nortriptyline that had been helping my pain but was doing nothing for my depression, and started taking trazodone. I'm still able to sleep well, I haven't noticed much of an increase in pain, plus my depression has largely abated (I do still get crabby more than I used to, though, but I think that's fairly normal, considering!). Of course, it is summer in Minnesota and I do believe I have developed a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder that so many of us here are prone to. Being able to get out cross-country skiing and wander around in the snow has always kept SAD at bay for me, but not being able to do much is like a total joy killer.

I wouldn't worry too much about what life is going to be like in five years, at least not at this point. Our bodies change, treatments help, some don't, but some do. My pain has decreased a lot in the last six months since I found a good physical therapist, though I'm still limited in what I can do with my hands. But the pain is less, and that makes me glad.

Everything always looks the worst at night, too, so getting to sleep is always the best option. Hopefully you have some good rituals and/or a med that will help send you off to sleep.

Oh yeah, and some doctors consider me a hypochondriac, as well, as I'm sure most of us have been considered at one point or another. I actually ran into one of those wacky docs yesterday. Needless to say, I'm taking my body and my health care dollars elsewhere. He was just a pain management anesthesiologist anyway, and doesn't even do scalene blocks correctly. He was going to numb out my entire arm, basically as though I was about to have shoulder surgery or something. Duh, of course that would kill my arm pain, but it certainly wouldn't say where that pain was originally coming from!

Best wishes,
Melissa