Where do I begin...some of you know of my problems with my mother being my rep. payee for the SSD income. She wants me to change it so she isn't the payee, and I want it even more! We have fought over how much money she was taking of my monthly income, because she felt I owed her so much that I never had a penny left over for myself. She charged me for gas for everything they did for me. Like getting my meds from the pharmacy, going to buy boxes for me to pack, taking me to my appts., everything. She even bounced 2 checks, and because they were written for me, I had to pay the bad check charges! How bogus is that?? I'm not allowed to touch that account!

When I made her my payee, she made me think that they wanted to help me. I was under the impression I wouldn't have to pay out as much as if I were still living on my own, and that I could save up for when I could get out of their home, and on my own again. I made the HUGE mistake of trusting that she had my best interest at heart. This has turned into a big mess, and I'm currently trying to get it so I can be my own payee. I've got things rolling, it is just going through the proper steps now, to accomplish being my own payee. IF SSD allows it, after they look at my situation. I do have my doc from FL writing a letter on my behalf stating that I am capable of being my own payee. Now I have to get into the SSD office locally to move on to the next step.

After talking to my mother yesterday, she claims that I caused her to have a stroke by yelling at her over this. That is so not true. In fact, I tried extra hard to use a low calm voice when speaking to her, because I know how she goes off when feeling confronted. All I wanted to know is why she thinks
I still owe her rent, utilities, food, etc. This is what she said to me when I asked her if she was still planning on sending me what we had discussed before I left there. I thought I was paid in full, as far as all the little dumb chit she was constantly coming up with, that I still owed for. I had my brother call today, to discuss what was needed on her end in order to change my address with SSD, and to let her know about some mail coming to their address soon. I need her to send it on up to IN where I now am staying. She told my brother that she doesn't want to talk to me ever again. She also said that I have been nothing but a constant source of stress for several years, and have caused her blood pressure to go so high that this isn't the first time I have caused her to have a stroke. She also told him she didn't want to talk to me, or have anything to do with me, ever again. I've cried all afternoon, and am so disillusioned. I know that I'm not welcome at my parents home anymore. She made that very clear.

My mother is always running her mouth to EVERYONE who will listen, saying how much I have done to cause her health to fail to the point of not living much longer (according to her doctor...so she says). Now I feel like a piece of dirt under her feet. I'm a no good for nothing, ungrateful child that she wants nothing to do with any longer. I don't understand. She has no regard for my health problems.

Needless to say, I'm devastated. I want to run and hide from the world. I hate to admit it, but I have had some very ugly thoughts running through my head. Mainly, I don't want to live anymore. I really don't. I'm so tired of being made out to be such a bad person. Maybe I really am, and don't realize it. I told my brother that as soon as they get things rearranged with their schedule, which is why I'm here, I know I'm thinking irrationally, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I've been disowned, and I'm not really sure what I've done that was so wrong. All I've tried to do was have a decent conversation about the important matter involving my income, without yelling and finger pointing.

It's a very long story as to how things got to this point. This situation has been escalating ever since I asked her to be my payee. Everything was going well until then. I've been there for them each of the 3 surgeries my father had last year. I helped take care of my mom during those times, and took care of my dad after he got home. I guess she forgot about all that, or it didn't matter.

I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity, I just needed to get this out. I'm going insane inside, and wondering just how much more I can take. I'm runnin' on empty. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Poke me with a fork...I'm done!

Thanks for listening/reading.
~Kimmy