I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back on here for a while. My days turn into nights and then I don't know where I am. But I can't thank you all enough.

I had #6 today and another 3 next week, Mon, Wed and Fri. I've been talking and talking but I don't think I'm there. I signed myself out twice this week and got half way down the hall and turned back. I think I made a big mistatke because I'm not so sure this is helping me. I even told the anesthesiologist today if I don't do "it" you guys will. I'm shaking constantly and can't even write my name. I can't remember things that I should. My head feels like it's going to explode and I feel like my body is shaking inside.

ECt is not fun but I have to finish the last 3. I realize that I'm grieving, not only for my parents and Mark but for my life. That's why the name MeBP? I'm so worn out you have no idea. Fighting for your life is so tiring. It would have been so much easier ithe other way.

I love you guys so much you have no idea. This is my time to write to family and since they're gone, you are my family. And Vicky, I'm so sorry about the GB problems. I hope it's an easy operation for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

My eyes are closing so I'd better go and catch some more zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs.