Untying the Gag Order

Can I slide away, ride away, hide, un-decide away
Leaving no clue of my new existence
Undoing, ungluing, excluding the protruding
zit that has become my bane and resistance
My surly, whirly, whacked out behavior
is not hue nor shadow of a once flattering silhouette
Beguiled, betrayed, taken out, my bed unmade
creates thoughts never known to throw out the sheets wet.
The unseen, unclean, scared un-repaired
joke of a body is as foreign as desert
I try to absorb, reward, retard, then discard
This displacement of creation I have to inherit
To fantasize, visualize, scrutinize and penalize
Gives the ball in motion too much room to roll
When it comes down, it hits ground and rebounds
and freshens its mark with a much stronger toll
I freeze, gaze, do a 360 and hurl
To be masochistic is not my cup of tea
My eyes have found skies that He sanctifies
His glory is all I need to find me.

©Laura J Dean