NeuroTalk Support Groups - View Single Post - Hi to everyone from new member

theoneRogue420 · 08-26-2007, 08:31 AM

Hi Smiley, welcome to NT!

I can't say I've been in your shoes, but my ex-husband and his wife had a baby while in their 40's. It hasn't turned out so well, and the kid is a real pain. It is in no way his fault... it's theirs.

They both have busy schedules, as you do. It was extremely hard for them to give the child the proper amount of attention. For example, their son wasn't taught to read at home, like his two older half-brothers (my kids) were... they let the school handle it. They didn't have the time or patience to do it themselves. He didn't have the head start they did, and it showed. Plus, their energy levels had dropped dramatically from when they were in their 20's, of course. Dillon never got to experience having his mom and dad really play with him, the way a person in theirs 20's would. Some of my kids best memories are of times we spent doing very physical things. I am 45 now, sick, tired and in constant pain... there is no way I could be an effective mother in my condition.

If you are afraid you don't have the strength and energy to deal with being pregnant, then what about afterwards? It takes much more energy to raise the child than to give birth to it.

Also, you mention not being 100% sure of your partner... that is a very bad sign! Raising a child is a long-term commitment that requires at least two people. The bigger the support system, the better off the child is. My sons are the product of divorce, and it was a very hard thing for them. It broke my heart to see them hurting because their father wasn't "there for them". He once accused me of lying to the kids about him, when we were in a custody hearing. I admitted it to the judge... because what else was I supposed to do? Tell them their father just couldn't be bothered to call them or come for a visit? I would never do that to them... I just told them he was "at sea" all the time (he was in the navy). Once one partner moves out of the area, it makes it much easier for that person to slowly lessen their communications and visits with their child. It is easy and common to get caught up in theirs lives and forget the people that aren't close by.

Dillon has told me something that he would never admit to his parents. He says it is extremely embarassing to have all your friends think your parents are your grandparents. When he turned 10, his mother was 51.

There's also the whole subject of the state of the world these days... global warming, running out of oil, etc. Even the most conservative scientists are predicting a gloomy future. Can anyone know what lies ahead?

I hope this helps in some small way. I just wanted to answer you in the most honest, forthright way I could. I'm hoping the other folks here at NT take this post as my opinion, and only my opinion... I am not out to start a war here.

If you decide to go ahead, then I wish you the best. Children are both a blessing and a curse, no matter what age their parents are!!