((((((Barbara)))))),

I know, honey

I don't know if you've ever had anyone close to you die before -- parents, grandparents, cousins... This is going to be totally different. And it's going to hurt like hell.

This is probably the first person that you've had in your life that you've allowed to come close to you and that you've had a real connection with.

What's gonna help you get through this after you lose him, Barbara, is the fact that you gave of yourself freely when you didn't have to -- you gave because you genuinely cared and you made his life much-much better because of your caring. I hate to think what this time would have been like for him without you.

The other thing is that you've got a connection with Doug that you're never had before. Someone is in your life because they WANT TO BE. Not because they were born there or because the hormones took you there when you were both too young.

He's taught you about love and respect and companionship and friendship and genuine caring. You've lived a lifetime with him.

Barbara, if you stay with Doug until the very end, you're gonna hurt like nothing you've ever experienced before. If you don't stay with him, you're still gonna feel it.

The most intimate moment that you can have with another human being is to be there with him when he dies. I was with my Mom. It was the most incredible, beautiful experience I've ever had -- second only to giving birth to my son.

Tell him everything that's in your heart. Read to him. Sit with him.

And talk to us. The only way that you're going to survive this, Barbara, is to talk about what's in your heart. Either here or in a journal or a with close friend or relative or therapist.

We all lose people. Each time affects us differently. When it's someone that lived a long and healthy and fruitful life, we can sort of 'accept' it. When someone dies from cancer, the cruelty and the inhumanity of the disease really makes you wonder if there's a G-d. (I went through that with both my Mom and with my ex-husband). When it's a child or a young person, our hearts are just shattered -- it's so unfair -- it's like losing the future.

I wish there were a way for me to heal Doug so that you wouldn't lose him I wish there were a way for me to make this easier for you

It's like all the other bad, horrible experiences in our lives -- the only way through is through. What you learn because of this experience and what you become because of this experience will make you a much more sensitive, empathic, supportive, caring person. It will make you a BETTER person.

We all love you and support you, Barbara. There's herds of us standing in the room next to you or sitting on the floor near your feet. Talk to us. Hold on to us.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb