((((((M)))))),
I know what that feels like. I've been fighting depression most of my life. Finally pretty much got a handle on it thanks to Prozac and menopause.
I've been in one for the past few months, though, and my house could probably compete with yours for "House of Year".
The house doesn't really have anything to do with the cooking show. That's the thing that's got you kicked to the curb, I'll bet.
Obviously, you're a good cook (I'm not
) so you've got a good place to start.
Question?? Do you decide the content of the show, or does the other person?? How about you doing a show about comfort foods?? Foods from your childhood that you can prepare 'quickly' and 'cheaply' (read, inexpensively) when you're feeling down or depressed or sick with the flu or with a broken leg??
You see, *M*, you're looking at this whole week from the bottom of the pit. I know what that's like -- over 50 years of feeling depressed and assorted suicide attempts (failed, thanks be to G-d).
Leave everything else out of what you're looking at. And re-frame how you look at the cooking show. Rather than seeing it as some hateful thing that you would only choose to do if you were in a good mood and 'felt like it'. How about looking at the cooking show as something that you're good at, something that benefits other people, something that is 'fun' to you, AND, most importantly -->> something that will help lift you up out of the depression because it will be something that you 'finish' and something that you 'accomplish'.
Now, as for the house, the only reason my place got cleaned up the least little bit over the weekend was because my toilet got backed up and the plumber had to be called. My place was so bad, I was ashamed to have the plumber see it -- even though he looks at crap all day
A couple of little 'tricks' that help me:
(1) Go watch TV (soaps or Animal Planet works for me), when the commercials come on, do ONE small thing: load up the dishwasher, wipe down the counter in the bathroom, clean off one table, go through the papers on your desk and throw the trash out. Rinse-and-repeat
(2) Choose something small to put things in (a shoebox, a laundry basket, a dishpan). Pile things into the container that you've chosen and put that container-ful away. Then set your kitchen timer for 10-15-30 minutes and go do something like read a romance novel or watch TV. When the timer goes off, do one more container of stuff.
(3) If doesn't ALL have to be done today -- it took days to accumulate -- you can take days to un-accumulate. Even if you only put one shoebox worth of stuff away, you're in a better place today than yesterday.
Talk to your family doctor or primary care physician or psychiatrist (if you have one) and tell him/her that you're in a pit and you're having trouble coping. The drugs that they have now work pretty quickly. There's no reason for anyone to suffer with depression any longer. The drugs don't have to be taken forever -- I was in the Prozac studies 22 years ago. I took Prozac for over 15 years. During the total of 15 years that I was taking it, I went off and back on several times. Sometimes, I felt like it wasn't working any longer (so I took a holiday); other times I felt like I didn't need it.
I know how rotten it is to suffer depression. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish that you weren't feeling like that.
The ONE THING that I've learned through a lifetime of fighting this crap is that accomplishments help you feel better. So ... any little thing that you can FINISH will give you that feeling of accomplishment which will translate into feeling better.
Now, get yourself a piece of paper and a pencil and figure out HOW you can do the show on Friday with the least number of steps, the least amount of effort. Like I said, if you do the show with viewpoint of cooking for someone that's not feeling so hot, you'll be passing on a lesson that's absolutely NEEDED. And, I know you'll better when it's done.
BIG HUGS.
Barb
PS: Buy yourself some flowers, too. The scent helps to cover up odors
