I am going to apologize ahead of time for this, I really need to do this because the only people that can understand me are thousands of miles away and on a forum....
I will start by saying how frusterated I am with the system, with TOS and oh heck..all of it. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of putting a smile on my face and saying all is fine when what I really want to do get on with my life. This past year I have gotten far worse. I hurt almost all the times now. The past month has been very rough for me. I used to only have to take my demerol two or three times a week, to every night to now I need it through the day in order to get through the day. I have begun the Topomax but they say it will be a couple weeks before I see a difference. I HATE taking pills. I HATE that it has come to the fact that I HAVE to take pain meds. As some of you may know I went to see another doc to see about finding another doc to have my surgery pushed up as Dr. Bethunes waiting list is so long. I WANT to wait for the best here but I did call Dr. Bethunes office this week and she told me that I could still be another year or TWO on the list, it goes by cancellation....how friggin discouraging is that??????? I can honestly say that I really don't think that I can't wait another year or two to have this done. Judging from how I have gone down hill the past year, where will I be in a year?? I can't sleep well....I wake up hurting....the burning pain makes me nauseous, I have no stamina anymore and I hurt like heck. I remember when I would go a week or two feeling pretty good, very little to no pain...where are those days??? ANd no one understands or wants to listen. My hubby is wonderful and is very supportive but he is the only one. The rest of my family doesn't want to hear it....people don't understand nor really care why I don't want to do something....or why I don't feel well. I am tired and worn out. This TOS kicks the snot out of you.
I'm really frusterated with the lack of medical care and knowledge of TOS. Of providing those around me with the information and tips to help me instead of the other way around. My house looks like crap because when I get home from work I hurt so bad I can't bloody do anything. I really do hate to whine...I just needed to get this off my chest when once again I wake up hurting and I look at the mountain of things needing to be done and wonder to myself if I can do it.
Sorry guys....Have a good weekend.
RAch