Oh gosh, you guys. Darn it, I just hate that we could ever feel depressed, much less for such long periods of time or so seriously.

((((((((Barb))))))))

(((((((((Hurts)))))))))

I loved Barb's idea about watching telly to clean. I just LOVED it. That is such a good idea. It's so easy to do something during a commercial. I am so eager to get back that I do things really quickly, so it seems much more easy than when I tarry over something.

But the other neat thing about it, is that for me because of nerve damage I have to rest a lot in order to do things... so the telly thing is a bit like scheduling the necessary rest.

When I was a teenager I used to write poetry near a train trestle and I always thought about walking out to meet the train, the only thing that kept me from doing it was that I would think that if they found my poetry after I died that way they wouldn't take it seriously.

Just before I got tetanus I told my therapist all the things I remembered from when I was a child... and she said it sounded like I was abused. I think that's why my mother was always angry at me. She always said it was my fault her marriage was ruined.

I think it's hard to hear good things when there are such loud bad things in our memories.

I think the bad things suffocate us and push down our natural buoyancy.

It's interesting to me, now that I'm having similar problems to when I tried to kill myself in 1997, I'm not feeling like killing myself at all. And I'm pretty sure it's because of the huge amounts of B12 I've had.

I'm sure it's different for different people.

But for me, B12 shots made/make all the difference. When there's a lot of stress I don't see as well, literally I don't see as well. And I get nose bleeds, and I can suddenly feel depressed. When that happens I feel as if it's something different than my B12 being low, and sometimes it takes me hours to give myself a shot because I don't believe it will help.

But it always does.

I know that many people don't believe the results can be that rapid.

I know that a lot of people can't imagine having a B12 shot a day, and feeling the absence of one when I don't have it on a given day.

I'm just saying....