Mucker, please don't be so hard on yourself. The surgery I had was minor compared to your's. I was ready however for what Dr Sanders was advising me to do. I just wanted a chance at some relief. I think the reason alot of us fear these surgeries is because we KNOW the recovery is going to be difficult. Just have faith, and take it slow. Thats the main thing everyone who has had surgery warns us about. Sending you a big Ihtos