but mucker, please hear me on this... you have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about. there is no shame in having to take pain meds for the awful sx of TOS or the acute pain of the major and risky surgery you have just been through. and there is certainly no way you could have known that your body would have reacted differently this time than before, to stopping the same medicine!

listen, i will tell you i went through the same thing. i started to taper about 2 weeks after my rib resection, because i did not want to be on the narcotics either... and i was really, really hoping that after having surgery with a top doc that i wouldn't need them anymore. i specifically asked dr. annest to put me on a schedule to come off the damned things and he was happy to oblige me.

when i got back home to los angeles i consulted an addictionologist at one point - that is a doctor (usually a psychiatrist but this one was a general MD) who specializes in treating addicts, whether they're chronic pain patients who've gotten into trouble or whatever - and i happened to mention to him that i had started to taper off of the pain meds 2 weeks post op.

he told me that he thought that was WAY too soon and that he would have had me stay on them a lot longer! the reason being, TOS surgery is a particularly nasty surgery to recover from, mucker - the surgeon has to disturb a lot of muscle and other soft tissue, not to mention nerves and vascular structures, in order to perform it.

and on top of that you have BONE pain to contend with. and studies show that your body will HEAL FASTER if you are not in pain. that is WHY your doc is giving you the meds - it is part of your tx, and can be an important piece. why shortchange yourself? only you can answer that question, mucker.

no picnic, in anybody's book - even if you were in tip top shape going into this surgery... and most of us, sadly, are not. we've been in chronic TOS pain for some time and maybe not in the best of shape to begin with.

so i guess what i'm trying to say here, is be patient and kind with yourself. i know you don't want to stay on either the long- or the short-acting dilaudid forever, if you can help it. but it is not a race! you can do this v e r y slowly; perhaps one of your docs would be willing to write you a taper schedule to help guide you through it so that you can avoid those really unpleasant withdrawal sx.

there is a big difference between addiction and physical dependence. please don't beat yourself up about this. you may need those meds right now and in the foreseeable future. lots of TOS'ers do - it's just a tool in the toolbox. it does not signify a failure of any kind, moral or otherwise. i agree with you that it's a personal choice. but please, as vic says, be careful doing it, you've been through so much already - withdrawal sx will flare you up like there is no tomorrow... and who needs that, right?

there is a good website where you might be able to get some info if you're interested: www.pillsanonymous.com -- sort of a 12-step group for folks looking to live life on life's terms without the addictive use of prescription meds. if you post there you may be able to get someone to help you with a taper - lots of chronic painers on that forum i do believe.

good luck to you mucker. keep on truckin'...

alison
"Be Brave"