Congratulations on being free from smoking for 1000 days! That is a big achienvement! Hang in there with the hospital, you're doing all you can so don't be hard on yourself if you don't want to go because of what you have to deal with right now. It's okay to stay home...it's also okay to go be with Doug now while you still can, so you do whatever you think is best BF and we'll be here to continue supporting you through this difficult time.