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In Remembrance
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,002
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In Remembrance
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,002
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Thank you for the comments. I am printing them out, to read them a bit repeatedly, as I am in a funk.
It seems like if I try to be "up", and pain is less, if I make fiance laugh, focus on him, and try very, very hard to keep up with him (while still at home though), we are ok. You know, if I'm still close to the person mentally I used to be, before TOS. But when I get the high pain, and go into the fetal position in bed, it's almost like he gets scared, then makes a fight about anything, and packs up and leaves me.
So now I've got the fear of the high pain plus the fear of these break-ups and being left alone and needing help (new nursing is not in place, and he leaves when I'm at my worst physically.)
I feel at fault because if I'd just hold my words back - not react to his words - then maybe it wouldn't happen... No one wants to be thought of as an "albatross around someone's neck." I mean, none of us are losers!
But my pride sure does cost me.
I finally, finally got some sleep. And oddly enough, once I started sleeping, I slept all night, all day, and until tonight...and now I feel human again. I felt CRAZY yesterday. Those electrical zingers have stopped in my brain - that's one symptom that really wigs me out, too.
Thanks again for the outpouring of understanding and support and giving me back a feeling of being cared for. I really missed my grandmother who passed last May recently. If you have someone in your life like her, who gives you love, take and share as much as you can while we have the time together, because I sure miss her every day. I don't know what I'd do without you all.
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