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In Remembrance
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,002
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In Remembrance
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,002
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Thanks DI for the ER info. I never thought of asking for that help, as I've not had such good ER results, but with that info., I can pose it that way which makes sense. If this doesn't break, I think I should get a cab to the ER. My meds are set to be delivered today, I am hoping. Probably won't make it 'til Tuesday though...
As far as fiance, we've dones counseling, he does not change, it's been 14 years, it is what it is. I used to be the ROCK. Now I am the SICK ONE. He has been GREAT for standing behind me, keeping the house together, doctor appointments. But then, at other times, he just ups and bails.
I cannot blame him. He is affected and influenced by me. I am the leader. So if I'm up and funny, he's charged up. If I'm down and negative due to pain, he gets paralyzed himself, filled with fear, and like I said, anger results. and during the last 2 years, his resentment of the volume of work he's done, with NO help from my family, and no reciprocal help from me - (what could I do?) - he's just an angry man, wanting a fun, normal life.
We used to work very hard, but take off about every other weekend to destination vacations. The old "work hard / play hard." Heck, the month I got sick, we were supposed to BUY the beach house. EVERYTHING changed with TOS. And we aren't married. So I say, go if you want to go. And he goes, then he misses me, then he returns...this is the pattern now. At some point I fear he'll meet someone else, and won't return. That will be more painful than a respectful parting.
It's also TIME for this. It seems to have a pattern. Every birthday (Sept.) is awful. Then Christmas / Jan. Then Easter starts to get crazy and by June it's nuts. In between he is very kind, generous, thoughtful, etc. But these fights seem to have almost a seasonal timing to them.
He's also a Sagittarius, which whether one listens to that stuff or not, they are adventurers. Not much adventure with your other half on the couch. What he used to bring to my life WAS adventure - I can't tell you all of the fun things he got me to do, to get out of my work-all-of-the-time stodginess. He made my life come alive. And I am thankful he did, before TOS hit in year 12 of our life together.
So I have no real animosity here. And I'm trying to still grow as a person, which is why I'm so angry with myself for REACTING when I could have said nothing. Or just said, go ahead and find your own place, no hard feelings.
I don't know how I'd react if it were the other way around. I have no idea. TOS is so weird for others who are not experiencing it. You can't see it. It's not like the usual illnesses.
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