I have found councelling to be my best advocate in fighting the depression. I have the VNS in me for the depression and it hasn't helped at all. You can read my story on here about the VNS and see how it is suppose to work and what it's done for me. More harm then good, at this point.

Anyway, like you, I have tried every med and I might as well be eating M&M's, although they do say chocolate makes a person happy. LOL

I go to councelling faithfully, I have for years. I have someone to talk to about what I am thinking, living, and fighting in my head. He gives me ideals on how to deal with things that have came up. He has taught me meditation, prayer and got me to taking walks. Now my feet are messed up and that part has stopped but again he is helping me through that too.

I have family and friends. I don't think I have a day that someone doesn't walk in my door to check on me. I have two caregivers also to help me through the day and keep my house up so I won't get depressed about that part too.

I am reading a self help book that my Dr. gave me and I do read a lot of them and do research on depression.

I have yet to get through mine, I don't think I have a day that I don't fight it. I've had it since childhood so I'm sure I will most likely die with it too but at least I have someone to talk me through the ups and downs that I go through. I lost my husband 10 months ago and it's been the hardest time of my life. It makes it even harder for me to keep going so I do know about the bad parts of life we have to deal with.

Don't give up and think about councelling. A lot of places have places that you can go to free if insurance is an issue.

Staying on the forum helps a lot too. It helps us to interact with people even when we are stuck in our homes. I have trouble leaving my home. I very seldom go anywhere. As far as vacations, my kids just offered to pay my way back home for a visit but I know in the place I am in mentally at this point, it wouldn't do me any good. I couldn't enjoy it. That's why I come on here to read and post, like you, it's like I'm just stuck in the place that I can't seem to get out of.

I do hope you start seeing some better days and don't give up.

Ada