This is the way I often feel. I'll isolate something that definitely makes the condition worse or better but six months later it will change. Sodium nitrite used to set me off like an alarm clock but now even large amounts seem to have no effect.

It's constant change. And constant inexplicable symptoms and sensations. Just the other day my hand was so ticklish I could hardly touch anything and then a few hours later it was back to normal. I've had a spot on my back that itches so badly that no activity is possible until it's scratched vigorishly, for nearly two years now. It'll go away too, no doubt.

This thing feels like being on a roller coaster and there's new terror around every curve. If there's one constant it's the fear; the growing fear that what's next will be far worse than anything that's come before, the fear that even the fear itself will grow to unmanageable levels.

I've just got to slow down. Try not to think about what's been and move on as well as possible. I need to try to remember that there's probably a drug that can ease a problem until it goes away. I've just got to stay as positive as this lousy condition will allow and to remember this when it flares again.