The fact that this reality is so difficult to accept suggests to me that you love your mom a great deal. When you do not live close to a situation it makes it just that much easier to remain in denial. As articulate and self aware as you are I hazard a guess that your mother may be cut out of the same cloth and indeed understand some of the dynamic that has taken place.There is a process of grieving that begins when a family member has a life altering physical condition .You can read about the stages of grief and see where you arein the process. Guilt ,like your feeling is also an indication that you are anything but a crap daughter.Be kind to yourself. I think your instincts are right on as well... you will probably feel better if you can move past denial and make an effort to spend time with your parents before you get transferred.