Thank you Dorrie ,Donna and befuddled2,I know what needs to happen ,that I need some respite ,and that Joseph and I both need to make our world's bigger,and I know how self esteem and motivation are at risk for both of us if things continue on as they are..to feel chronically stressed and confined can never be a good thing.The difficulty is making it happen.You know how out of sight out of mind works? Thats basically a major player here ,and we have the misfortune of living in a state ,Alabama , whose waiver programs are eigther poorly designed ,or when they work are crisis driven. In other words people move up on waiting lists for such things as day habilitation or recreational services based on a formula that boils down to can the family cope if we don't step in? It comes down to telling a fib which lots of folks do , or actually waiting until a crisis presents that meets their criteria.My autoimmune disorder which affects my motor and sensory nerves as well as sometimes causes a serum negative inflammatory arthrtis to flair is not something that has caused an acute crisis but it has the potential to do that ,and stress makes it worse ,so I might see if they would consider that but then I think of people who must have surgery ,or who are clearly overwhelmed and I have a hard time thinking of asking anyone in a more difficult situation to wait ,or asking them to choose. There is a class action lawsuit here challanging the waiting list but even if it succeeds there is also a lack of appropriate programming.One thing I have done is deliberately tried to reduce stress by making note of stressors that I can do something about ,and I love to read ,and listen to music ,and were I not so busy to paint and draw...anyway I don't want to passively accept the way things atre but I am worn and frazzled and have a hard time coming up with the energy to be a good advocate for my son or myself.It does comfort me to know though that it is not a lack in myself but rather the size of the challenge that has eroded my sense of empowerment and just being able to hear that someone else gets it helps.